Healing Family Relationships with Active Consciousness
I was first introduced to you through your book “Impossible Cure” when I began my journey with homeopathy. I am now about halfway through your book, “Active Consciousness”. I feel a kinship with you in a weird way because I have also read many of the authors you quote and have been on the search my entire adult life for the keys to accessing that dimension that so many authors, scientists and spiritual teachers talk about.
My question is about affecting or influencing others with active consciousness. I see my 23 year old daughter flailing about in life, with no direction and creating unnecessary suffering for herself. My heart breaks at times because I can sense that she is seeking something that I feel may have been missing in her childhood or that she is reacting to some of the incidents that I caused when she was growing up.
I do realize that we must all live out our own journeys, but I was wondering if I am still influencing her with my perception of her and if I am actually doing more harm by not just seeing her as whole and complete. Also, whether or not, there is some type of goal that I can create in Active Consciousness that would affect her and benefit her?
Wow, that’s a great question Katy. As the mother of two sons, ages 23 and 26, I can relate to what you are asking, as I’m sure every other parent can too.
First, I think you must begin by forgiving yourself. Know that by the very act of asking these wise questions, you are indeed, a loving and caring parent. No parent is perfect. No one is perfect in any of their relationships. We are all the sum of our experiences. However, we can strive through self-awareness efforts, to become more aware of our “stories” and how they have affected us, how they affect our relationships with others, and then let go of them. After you have begun to heal your own wounds, it will be easier to help your daughter as well.
At age 23, you must also accept that you are no longer the master of your child. At best, you can be a helpful adviser and confidant. Hopefully, with time, your daughter will allow and welcome this kind of relationship with you. In my experience, one way to achieve this is, if you can, to admit your mistakes and failings to her openly, and to apologize for them and how they may have affected her.
I also truly believe that reflecting your daughter’s potential back to her can be healing. No matter how successful my own children are, I can tell it really buoys them when I tell them I have confidence in them, that I am proud of them, that I know they can get beyond whatever is troubling them. Telling your child stories of your own struggles in life can also sometimes be helpful. It helps them see that you have been through similar struggles and phases in your life, and that they can get to the other side of their troubles too.
Know that by first opening yourself up to your daughter (by admitting mistakes and telling of your own struggles) and then reflecting a vision of healing to her, you help break down walls of resistance between you both, and enable each of your essences to shine through to each other.
Of course, sometimes such steps are difficult to do, because the other individual is blocked, walled off, and unreceptive. That is when active consciousness, on a more subtle level, can make a difference. By changing your state, your energy, your vision of your daughter, you can create a shift in her. She may not understand what is happening consciously, but she will be affected by it subconsciously, on an energetic level. This can even happen at a distance.
Here are some things to try out. First, before you enter into interactions with your daughter, ground yourself and visualize things going extremely well. Fill yourself with love for her. If things don’t go perfectly, keep re-grounding and focusing on your innate love for her. Your only job is to not to go into reaction and to stay as genuine and loving as you can. Try to let go of the immediate outcome, knowing that you are having a positive effect.
You can also, in meditation, project a future for your daughter in which she is happy and fulfilled. Do not project your own specific desires for her, but rather her simply being in a state of happiness and fulfillment. This will help the future to unfold so that these things come about in a way that is best for her, from the perspective of her Higher or Inner Self.
As described in Active Consciousness, you can also use retrocausation to help heal the past. In meditation, go back to past painful events, and talk to both yourself and your daughter in a way that heals the wounds and that provides consolation to you both. You might even try visualizing the events occurring differently so that wounds never occur.
Finally, I believe that after you read and digest Parts V and VI of Active Consciousness, you will discover many more answers to these and other questions.
I hope this helpful!
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I am thoroughly enjoying your book and putting your valuable suggestions into practice.