It’s been a while since I’ve written, mostly because I’ve been rather flummoxed over the past few months and didn’t know what to say.
Doesn’t it seem like we’re all living in some kind of strange dream? I feel like we’re floating in unknown waters with our heads above the surface, trying to pretend that everything is “normal.” But below the surface, we sense that something is definitely not as it seems.
Naturally, how we respond to this state of affairs can tell us much about our inner life. My usual pattern is to go into fear and sadness, but lately I’ve also felt frustration and stagnation. I’ve come to realize that, beneath these feelings, I am actually resisting accepting the new “status quo.” But as I’ve written about before, resistance is ultimately futile. Instead, we must accept what is and go from there. And in order to do so in a way that is healthy and effective, we must find a way to heal our personal patterns and wounds.
So what finally inspired me to write? It was an unusual day of contrasts that occurred a few weeks ago. It all began during a video chat with a spiritual group I meet with every Saturday morning. One of the participants (who has usually been supportive of alternative medical views) declared that she now intended to wear a mask for the rest of her life, even after COVID is done — just in case. Somehow this really rattled me.
Only hours later, my husband and I went to a gathering at a local park organized by a group opposed to mandatory vaccination. We knew nothing else about the group or who would be there. But we soon experienced something even more rattling — and quite at the opposite extreme.
After some introductions, we all embarked on a 2 hour hike, during which our experience gradually became more extreme. First, it emerged that everyone (except us) adamantly refused to temporarily put on a mask when masked folks passed closely on the narrow hiking trail. One woman in the group proudly told me she even refused to put on a mask to go grocery shopping and has to make a special appointment at the store in order to do so!
Over time, it then emerged that most of the group espoused some rather extremist views. Some were anti-BLM, some didn’t believe in climate change, some blamed the Jewish media for everything, and so on. What an experience! These people fulfilled every media stereotype of “anti-vaxxers.”
And once again, as has been happening repeatedly lately, my husband and I found ourselves to be outliers — sitting in the middle and belonging nowhere, except with a few of our friends who are alternative medicine practitioners or adherents.
So what’s my message today?
I believe that no matter what you believe or what media outlet you’re listening to, most people are at least sensing that no one truly knows what’s going on.
This is certainly true of the medical authorities. None of the COVID vaccines have been tested in the way vaccines are normally tested before they’re released. As a result, medical researchers actually have no idea what the long term consequences of the vaccine campaign will be, including its ultimate safety or effectiveness. My friend who works at the CDC confirmed this. The authorities know that there are significant risks in the vaccine campaign, but they just don’t know what else to do. Each of the vaccines represents an experiment with a different technique, dosage, and dosing regimen. Only time will tell what happens. And in my experience, even the most enthusiastic of vaccine recipients is a bit nervous when they get it and, afterward, seems relieved that they are still alive.
And of course, we still have no definitive information about the origin of the pandemic, what will happen with developing variants, or what will happen with our world economy. We also have no idea whether society will become bifurcated into the vaccinated/unvaccinated, whether basic freedoms of movement will be upheld or forbidden to the unvaccinated (including the possibility of forced vaccination), what kind of monitoring and tracking we will all be subject to in the future, and so on. Add in climate change, social unrest, and all the rest and you get an almost complete state of utter uncertainty. No wonder the internet is full of seminars on depression, anxiety, and how to sleep! These days, the furthest any of us can forecast into the future is about a week or two, a month or two at best.
So how do we, as humans, react to such an extreme state of not knowing? I think there are three main types of reaction: denial (in all its many forms), conspiracy thinking, and searching or inquiring within. The first two are focused outward onto the external world. The third turns the focus inward.
In general, denial has become the most common reaction and is characterized by an undercurrent of fear and sometimes sadness and/or numbness. As far as I can see, this denial has been taking two forms:
1) Blocking or escaping from thinking about the situation through a variety of often addictive pursuits: drugs, eating, social media, shopping, and other entertaining distractions. All of these behaviors have increased significantly since March 2020. Of course, another (and healthier) form of escape is occupying oneself with busyness — e.g., work, exercise, home improvement, learning new skills, etc.
2) Attempting to find a sense of control and safety by rabidly embracing the conventional narrative and following every mainstream media directive, usually without questioning it or its consistency with previous directives or common sense. Such folks tend to be glued to the news, may wear many masks at once, even if the authorities say it is no longer necessary, and are also the most likely to demonize or ostracize those who question the narrative in any way.
Next, we have the conspiracy folks. Their general state is dominated by anger. Often their conspiracy ideation is another type of denial: e.g., a belief that there is no pandemic, there is no climate change, cops don’t treat black and brown people any differently than white people, etc.
Another aspect of angry conspiracy thinking is scapegoating — usually the authorities, but also specific individuals or groups of people. Such people also tend to angrily refuse to consider multiple points of view or have sympathy for those who do not agree with them. In many ways, they are much like the conventionally-minded rabid news junkies; they are just listening to different news, each calling the other side “fake.”
Then there’s the third option — going within. Increasingly, I have found it is the only healthy path for me going forward.
In my last newsletter, I talked about the vaccine debate. If you read it, you will understand why my husband and I want to avoid getting vaccinated, at least as long as we can. We know better than most about the inherent dangers of the COVID vaccines and their likely shortcomings as a strategy in the long run. We also have faith in non-invasive methods of prevention and alternative medical options of healing if we do get sick.
Unfortunately, our beliefs and choices have made our lives increasingly more difficult since January 2021. We are in our mid-late 60s and almost everyone we know is vaccinated. Many friends and acquaintances think we’re either nuts, irresponsible, selfish, or reckless. We are occasionally ostracized and are increasingly dismayed at what’s going on. Unfortunately, this has affected both of us physically. In my case, my blood pressure has risen considerably since January.
Most people in the USA are feeling better in 2021 than in 2020. For us, it is the opposite. Each week my husband downloads the vaccine injury data from the government and this data (which is never publicized by the media) is shocking. We now have over 4400 deaths associated with the COVID vaccines in the USA, with about 30-50 people currently dying per day. These vaccines are the most dangerous in history by a huge margin. For example, they are statistically 200 times as dangerous as a flu vaccine. But no one seems to know about this, and if they do know, they don’t seem to care. This has affected our peace of mind and our bodies in a palpable way.
So now, with my blood pressure speaking loudly to me, I realize that I have no other choice but to confront my own personal demons. Going within is truly my only option. And in many ways, this is true for all of us — whether it means confronting our fear or our anger or our sadness. Because the bottom line is that, in all cases and for all people, our demons have not originated in 2020 or 2021. They usually go all the way back to childhood and our family patterns of experience and trauma. I know this is true for me.
I’m now engaging (once again!) in a concerted effort to deal with my own lifelong patterns and issues. This has involved unsubscribing from or filtering out several email lists that have been consistently triggering me. I’m also utilizing several therapeutic modalities in order to heal myself. I know that I don’t want resort to escapism or denial or conspiracy anger or sadness and shutdown. I want peace. I want ease. We all do! So I believe we must all now work hard — perhaps harder than ever before — to release our personal demons. I believe my life — and the future of our world — depends on it.
In Active Consciousness, I talked about the manifestation process. An important part of it is developing the ability to truly believe that a goal can and will occur. But as Huna teachings also stress, this cannot fully happen as long as there are emotional and mental obstacles (often subconscious) that stand in the way. For this reason, being mired in negativity — fear, anger, sadness, etc. — will ultimately block you, especially if you desire peace.